Dumb Ways to Die

So, it is the Summer. The days are full of sun and men and women splashing around in the pool as if there is no care in the world.

But Summer has a dark side, an evil side.

As previous tenants may tell you, our apartment is really hot.  It may have to do with the fact that they put in our vents backwards and the AC/Heating just genuinely is not the spectacular. However, if you would like to be a decent temperature, the living room is the place to go.

Tonight, Leslie and I enjoyed watching Boy Meets World out in our cool living room instead of the hot infernos known as the bedrooms. Then we continued on by myself showing my poor roommate of Toby Turner videos on Youtube... because I love him and I find him very attractive, but that is another story. We eventually gained the attention of our other two roommates named Nicole and Camryn. After an hour of roommate bonding, we gather up on our loveseat to watch the final video "Dumb Ways to Die." Little did we know the impact this video would have on our unexciting lives.

Let me set the stage. It is one a.m. and people are getting into their snuggly pajamas about ready to catch some shuteye before sexy Sunday. Leslie and I were in the bathroom vanity area when she noticed that there was a large pile of water in a heaping mound on the counter. For those of you who never room with girls, that really would not be a problem. But girls have electric hair devices all over the place on the counter. Leslie, using her Holmesian deductive skills, found the perpetrator was a spray bottle, hanging from the cabinet above. The bottle was leaking its evil from above.

I was about to take out my contacts when a fireball shoots from the electrical outlet straight towards our beloved Leslie. It burns out, but not without taking our bathroom lights with it. Leslie and I are now in total darkness with roommates coming out of the room ready to call 911 at a moments notice. Leslie and I just stand there like deer facing a headlight. We had just witnessed a mini explosion which to an aunt may have had devastating life effect.

After I flip the breaker and we get our lights up and moving we found a one in a million chance had occurred. Luckily no appliances we plugged in at the time. But what had happened was water was dripping from above landing on our electrical outlet extender. And right as Leslie moved the bottle, a hair pin had fallen an lodged itself between the outlet itself and the extender, creating a dumb way to die.

So kids, keep your spray bottles and bobby pins away from electrical outlets. We like Leslie. We want to keep her around,.

Anaphora and Hercules

The time has come. The time of utter torment and pain. The time in which you claim your bed sheets have claimed you as one of their own, so you cannot leave....yes. It is Finals week! So here is a list of all my finals with my thoughts on them....

FLANG 276 - Teaching a Foreign Language (Completed) - 98% about Spanish teachers 1.9% French and German teachers,    0.1% relevant to me....well at least some use came out of this class. I can say "tengo dos  manos!" So if there is ever a Spanish serial killer with only one hand and the police come after me, I can say TENGO DOS MANOS, and then I will be free from all charges. Disclaimer. If you are a Spanish serial killer that looks identical to me, please cut off one of your hands. Thanks.

Latin 301 - Classical Latin Poetry - BWAAAAAAA. Why are you so long?! I see no point in my life where Latin rhetoric will be useful. I see no use of it.  I see it as the vain of my existence. I guess I could be like the guy in Disney's Hercules he stands around asking "Do you want to by a sun dial?" but in my coat will be The Aeneid and Metamorphoses and I can creepily stand around and say "Do you want me to point out some anaphora?!" Disclaimer. This section does contain literary anaphora

MCOM 320 - Writing for Business -So, you think it is nice to give two finals for this class? In case you didn't know MCOM, I stink at math. I did not appreciate your "written final portion." Luckily, I actually paid attention in elementary school, so I can tell the difference between an adverb and an adjective.

REL C 236 - The Doctrine and Covenants pt 2 - I will not be commenting on the exam for I fear I may be turned into a pillar of salt...

HIST 364 - Utah History - Dear Utah, as a Texan, I do not give a single flip about your history. You are weird and surprising liberal. When I start teaching in the beautiful Lone Star, they might actually laugh at me for taking Utah History. They might as well rename you Indians and Mormons. However, I did appreciate the class....if it was not for you, I may not have been able to compare my horrible March Madness scores with my classmates.

MUSIC 324 - University Band (Completed) - A final based on my overwhelming desire to yell to the guy next to me "PLEASE, DON'T PLAY!" At least we played the same music we did in high school. Wait?! Am  I saying this college band was playing high school level music. Yes, yes I am. But due to this final, I was stuck with the trio Sam M. and others would play.

Throwing Dates to Birds Instead of Bread

(Closest thing I've got until cute guy in my Latin class finally asks me out)

 

Have you felt like a lame duck? I am not talking about a duck that makes bad jokes, I am talking about the type of duck that accidentally was walking through a mafia war zone and stepped on a land mine and was crippled for life! You have?! You must be a BYU student!

 

So currently, my semester at BYU is coming to an end. It hasn't been too bad, but my finals are going to be very difficult. So, I am currently pretending that they don't exist. By pretending they don't exist, I mean...slowly realizing that I am a stupid idiot. I mean, c'mon...everybody knows that if you don't know about Russian serfdom that you are nothing. How can I get anything accomplished? One day, I will be in a job interview, and the employer will look me directly in the eye and say "tell me about reforms of Alexander II and the job and million dollars are yours." I will just be sitting there thinking....Alex....Alex....Alex Pettifer? No not him, he's Australian. "TIMES TICKING, MS. CARDWELL" Alexander the Great....no...he's really old....um....bacon? "FAIL! I am going to give this job to that duck over there who stepped on a mafia land mine." Then I will skulk out of the office and probably sit on a park bench where I will live the rest of my life until I become that old lady who yells at pidgeons for getting too close to the bench.

 

So, I must study. It's inevitable. I don't like pigeons....or pidgeons....or birds in general.

Let's Grab Our Koopas and Go All Gadsby On 'Em

I thought college was supposed to make you smarter! Alas, I find myself creating words like logicament (Deanna-ish for argument) and believe the alphabet does not deserve the letter E. For I apparently think the it goes A,B,C,D,F,G...etc...so for the rest of my post, I will go all Gadsby on you, and for the next paragraph, disown the letter E.

So, I am rally xcitd bcaus tomorrow I do not hav any classs at all! All I hav to do is go to work thn I can com hom and slp. It will be grat! I do howvr hav to study for my Latin midtrm. I don't think that it will b vry hard. Sis. MacFarlan said that the first xam was th hardst. Othr than that, I just nd to rad a bunch of books and writ som rally long paprs about subjcts that nobody cars about. I think now is about tim to bring back the dradd lttr.

WASN'T THAT FUN!?! I feel that was more Lemony Snicket than Ernest Wright. So the other day, I stayed up really late writting a paper on the historian Appian. Let me tell you, it was great. Sonnets will be written about it one day!! And by great, I mean it is completely B worthy...due to the fact that the History Department hates me. I am pretty sure they are plotting my demise like siblings did in Mario Bros 3. Don't get the reference? They would beat the easy levels and leave you to die on the sky levels where the floating pillers (WHY IN THE WORLD WERE PILLARS FLOATING?!?)  would fall when jumped on, leaving you to your doom. On a side note, I wonder if literally jumping on my paper before turning it in would have any affect? If I take everyone's paper in class and line them in a row, and jump on them one by one do I get an A? This is something to try.... Also, what if I find a Koopa, jump on it, and aim it at a TA? Will it force a floating A out of them that I can consume to become SUPER DEANNA!?! That would be so cool...Maybe I will get a crown!

Too White to Be Michael Jackson

If Harry were to do this in real life to me, I may actually faint. It would take everything in my power to not act like a crazy 13 year old girl!

 

Happy "Take Me Home" releasement day! I'm sure most of you are like, what in the world is that!?! For all you uncultured people, One Direction's sophomore album was released today! (Hence for one of the reasons for the picture of Harry Styles). So last night, as I was downloading the album from iTunes, our internet stopped working. THE AUDACITY! So, I did stay up to a questionable hour so that I could add it to my iPod for work today. Was it worth it?! YES!!!!! I wish I could dance like Michael Jackson....at least in my head I was to "C'mon C'mon."

So after I hit the realization that I am white and I cannot dance, I got home from work and dressed all cute. This is a daily occurance as a result on having a crush on the Harry Styles look-a-like in my Latin class. So today, I decided to expirament. Will he talk to me if I don't innitiate the conversation?! No...he didn't. Sad day. But like Tim Adams once said "NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!"

So Important Notes on Life:

If you are reading The Death of Ivan Ilych and Other Stories" by Leo Tolstoy, the narrartor is a woman.

You can buy Carlie's affection with  Peanut Butter Creme Oreos

Louis Tomlinson likes girls who eat carrots

Mimehood

Caption:

Tiffany the Toilet Paper: Deanna! You're unattaching to the rest of us!
Deanna the Toilet Paper: I am sure you did it.

Tiffany: .....maybe.....but don't freak out you might die...or worse be used!

Deanna: CRAP! Save me!

 

(see what I did there!)

So, I reverted back to a normal blog. Hopefully, I will remember to update it...since it is on my computer.

 

The end of the semester is coming to a close. I cannot believe that it is almost over. It seems just like yesterday I walked into my new apartment! But that may just be due to the fact that I may have some sort of memory loss. I think that every bit of information that does not have to do with world history or Latin is being put in file thirteen. I can just imagine little midgets in my head putting my childhood memories and names of people in a fire...like the episode of Spongebob. Glad I got the reference in there now, I may forget it by the end of this post.

 

I am currently in the very end of my midterms! HALLELUJAH! That just means it is time for finals and end of the year research papers. I should probably start those...or do the reading. Or, just become a mime...my plan B career plan when life gets tough.

 

 

 



Matt Walst and the Mormon Terrorist

So life has been crazy at the Y! I do not think I have ever studied this much in my life. My brain is full to capacity of mostly worthless knowledge. I am currently reading the complete works of Horace "Epodes" and the "Odes" as well as Herodotus "Histories." I should be reading some Matthias book....but that will be this weekend. I am ready to go home and just chill...for like two days. Two days of no thinking is all I ask. Oh well.

I am counting down the days until I will be seeing the Nickelback/Seether/My Darkest Days concert. I am SOOOOOOO excited!

So Tiffany and I decided that we are hilarious and should have our own TV show. It would be great. I do notice after eleven at night everything we talk about is freaking' hilarious. Last night, we decided we needed chocolate....so we went and got some.....but when we were at the store...we stood there not knowing what we wanted.....so we walked around like lost puppies hoping for someone to just hand us fresh cookies for free.....it did not work... It was quite sad.

Work is great. I work e.............ALLI JUST SCARED THE BEJEEBERS OUT OF ME.....the computer just literally flew out of my lap....now she is laughing at me in my door way.......If Alli would quit just pulling an Edward and stare at me silently this wouldn't have happened......anyway....I work with great people. I work with Sage, Amanda, and Michael. Michael is a Cardnals fan, so we are "frenemies." I don't like the long hours, but I greatly enjoy getting to interact with BYU.

My sister in law is now an Elementary School teacher at Lamar! HAPPY DANCES!! It's strange, Mrs. Cardwell is my mom...not Niki.

I am sorry to say that there are no boys in my life...I just don't have time for them. Besides, the only boys I need are on my iPod to serenade me while I translate into Latin.

So here is one of the iPod serenaderers. (Yes, I know that serenaderers is not a word). Matt Walst. Lead singer of My Darkest Days. He definitely has a nice smile =D But I mostly added him because he is hot. True story.